"Hoot": Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that shit just goes right out the window.

McKnight: Now, there will be some shooting. Bakara Market is the Wild West, but be careful what you shoot at because people do live there.

[with blood covering his face, speaking to Col. McKnight]
Othic: Colonel, I can't see shit.

Todd Blackburn: Thats a nice beach down there. Hows the water?
Durant: Yeah, its nice and warm... and it's loaded with sharks.

Durant: Where's the rescue squad?
Shughart: We're it.

Atto: You shouldn't have come here. This is a civil war. This is our war, not yours.
General Garrison: 300,000 dead and counting. That's not a war Mr. Atto. That's genocide.




Edmund: I like the cut of your jib, young fella me lad. What's your name?
Baldrick: My name is Baldrick, my lord.
Edmund: Then I shall call you Baldrick, Baldrick.
Baldrick: And I shall call you "my lord," my lord.

Blackadder: What is your name, boy?
Kate/Bob: Kate.
Blackadder: Kate, that's an unusal name for a boy.
Kate/Bob: It's short for [pause] Bob.

Queenie: Edmund, quick, quick! Melchett's dying! We must do something!
Blackadder: Well yes, of course. Some sort of celebration!

Queen: Did you miss me, Edmund?
Blackadder: Madame, life without you was like a broken pencil.
Queen: [confused] Explain...?
Blackadder: Pointless.

Blackadder: [about the dictionary] It's the most pointless book since "How to Learn French"... was translated into French.

Blackadder: I believe, sir, that the Doctor is trying to tell you that he is happy because he has finished his book. It has apparently taken him ten years.
Prince George: Yes, well, I'm a slow reader myself.

Comte de Frou-Frou: Have no fear, the Scarlet Pimpernel will save us!
Blackadder: Ha! Some hope - he's the most overrated human begin since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.

Baldrick: I couldn't sleep when I was little.
Blackadder: You still are little, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Yeah, well, when I was even littler, see, we used to live in this big haunted hovel. Every night, my parents were troubled by a visitation from this disgusting ghoul. It was terrible. First there was this unholy smell, and then this tiny, clammy, hairy creature would materialize in the bed between them.
Blackadder: [absolutely disgusted] Yyyyyes... Tell me, Baldrick, when you left home, did this repulsive entity mysteriously disappear?
Baldrick: That very day.
Blackadder: I think then that the mystery is solved. Now, either you leave me alone to think of a plan, or tomorrow we meet our maker – in my case, God; in your case, God-knows... but I'd be surprised if he won any design awards.